Gecko Succumbs to Injuries on Film Set

                         

                                                                           

Lovable Gecko Succumbs to Injuries on Film Set

By

Abigail Sten

     The lovable gecko from the radio and television commercials, injured last Thursday after a film shoot, has passed away, according to a source at Animal Medical Center, Honolulu, Hi.  The Gecko, who's real name is Mel Seligman, had just wrapped up filming a commercial, surfing at Waikiki, and posing for pictures beside the statue of Duke Kahanamoku, when the tragic accident occurred.  

     One witness at the scene said  ".We were just wrapping up and putting away equipment.  I thought Mel the gecko had left with some friends when one of the lighting guys was moving some equipment and he stepped backward onto the gecko, it was horrible."

"He didn't even see him."

     "It wasn't really his fault, it was an accident, he didn't even see him."  The equipment operator, whose name is being withheld, said "I'm devastated.  I can't believe I did such a stupid thing!!"  "We were taking down the set and packing up the equipment, there were people running around everywhere."

Gecko's were all over the place

     "We were filming the commercial  on Waikiki, and well, this is Hawaii, there are geckos all over the place, on the beach, in the restaurants, hotel rooms, I even saw one on the ceiling."  Many people were gathered on the beach in the evening to remember the famous gecko whose cute smile and adorable accent will be remembered for all time.  

Fondly remembered

     I interviewed several people who had worked with Mr. Seligman and everyone I spoke with had great things to say about him.  Tom Johnson and his wife Tracy recalled "We would spend the evenings after filming just partying on the beach, or sitting watching the sunset, and Mel would play the ukulele and sing Hawaiian folk songs and tell stories of his travels and his plans for the future."  

Renaissance Gecko

     Most people didn't know who Mel was, only what they saw on the television. " He was a great guy, a gecko's gecko, and he had a great sense of humor and irony which really showed through in his work."  He was very talented in many areas and had a broad range of interests including sailing, aviation, and baseball.  He could play several instruments and even wrote compositions for piano and guitar."

     A private service will be held next Friday at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, Los Angeles, Ca.  Mel Seligman leaves behind a Wife Teresa, 86 children, 1,324 brothers and sisters, and millions of adoring fans.  

     In lieu of flower, please send crickets.

     

                                                                                       
                                                                                 

Palm Reader Predicts The End of Palm Reading

                                               

                                 Palm Reader Predicts The End of Palm Reading

                                                                     By

                                                           Nick Thompson

     In an ironic twist of fate, a local New Orleans palm reader has predicted the end of palm reading.  "It's sad to say, says Madame Thibodeau (who has been doing readings for locals and tourists for the past 53 years), but by the end of 2020, there may be no palm readers left."  "I don't do that many palm readings during the average week, mostly tea leaves and Tarot cards take up 90% of my business, sometimes bones, but almost no one trusts palm reading these days."

Increased longevity leads to decline in palm reading

     The decline in the reliability of palm reading is attributed to the increased longevity among the population. During my conversation with Madame Thibodeau, she told me: "These days people are living 75 to 100 years, whereas 150 years ago people were lucky to live to fifty."  "This has led to an increase in the length of the life lines on the palm."

     "I've seen this one guy's life line go half way up his arm!"  "How can you tell anything about the success line or marriage or children lines, when they are all wiped out by this giant life line?"  "It just doesn't make any sense at all."  "Why I know one seer down on Bourbon St. "Madam Wu". She won't read palms anymore at all, just throws the bones, and well, your take what you get - It ain't cheap either."

CEO Plans to Jump Off Of Fiscal Cliff

                                                   

                                        CEO Plans to Jump Off of Fiscal Cliff
                                                                    By
                                                             Dirk Benelli

     Wall Street wizard and CEO Ed Axton is getting ready to jump off the Fiscal Cliff in January 2013. Mr Axton is head of Axton Enterprises, based in Del Aire, Ca.  The "Fiscal Cliff" will happen in January 2013 when the Bush tax cuts will expire.  This, combined with the scheduled increase in government spending is a condition that some fear my send the country into another recession/depression.

     Mr. Axton was quoted as saying "I have done several base jumps where we jump off of radio towers and tall buildings with a parachute.  I even jumped off the library tower in Los Angeles, Ca."  It is 73 stories tall-about 700 feet, But I've never jumped of of anything as high as this fiscal cliff is supposed to be."

Unknown Landing Site

    " I don't know what I'm going to land on when I get to the bottom.  They tell me it smells horrible, and it's really sticky, like, you could sink in and get mired in it.  I mean, no-one has ever done it before, It's like the first moon landing, you just don't know."  "I'm thinking of wearing a Haz-Mat suit."

Asked whether Mr. Axton plans to practice for the upcoming Fiscal Cliff jump, he said " I'm thinking of going to Dubai.  I hear they have a really tall building there, like 1400 feet tall."

When I pointed out to Mr. Axton that the "Fiscal Cliff" is not like a real actual cliff, cliff, It is more of an idea, or a concept, he replied: "well, that's not really a problem, and I don't foresee any issues, I mean, I have jumped off a precipice before so I don't think I'll have a problem jumping off a concept,  do you??

Without the Space Shuttle

Without the Space Shuttle
By
Colt Fairburn

     This July marks the first anniversary of the last space shuttle flight to the International Space Station.  After 30 years of service, the space shuttle has been retired.  Some have questioned the wisdom of retiring the shuttle while there still astronauts on the International Space Station.  The only transportation to and from the space station is on the Russian spacecraft.  When questioned about this situation, one astronaut said "Yeah, I don't think they really thought this one out."  "They really should have de-commissioned the space station first, I mean, there are still people up there."

                                                                                               
                                                         


Servicing The Space Station


     Without the space shuttle, the space station is now being serviced by private companies like Space-Ex, a Japanese space firm, and the Russian Soyuz spacecraft.  When questioned about the recent troubles that the Russian Soyuz spacecraft was having, one astronaut said "It's kind of a rough ride home, I mean, the space shuttle  was the "Cadillac" of space transportation.  They even serve coffee and Gatorade on board.  The Russians have kind of a "Yugo".  "Of course they do serve vodka and pickles to ease the pain."

A Rough Ride

     Sometimes the Soyuz capsule subjects the occupants to extreme g-forces upon re-entry.  There was one incident when the first Korean astronaut was on board that was subjected to a force of 10 G's upon re-entry.  Compared to the U.S. space shuttle's 3-G's upon re-entry.  That same Soyuz also landed about 260 miles off course due to a malfunction.  It took quite a while to find them.

Americans Have to Hitch-hike


     For the time being the only way for astronauts to get to and from the space station is on the Soyuz rocket.  One astronaut said "The Russians frown on hitch-hiking at the Cosmodrome.  The other drawback is when you get back, they drop you off somewhere in Kazakhstan, and they don't always know where.  Did you ever try to get a ride home from Kazakhstan?"  "It's two long bus rides and a cab to the nearest airport.  Then you have to fly Aeroflot to France, thank God for the Stoly, then on to Florida."

Economic Pain

With the end of the shuttle program came the end of  at least 7,000 support jobs at the space center where some have worked for many years, depending on the program for their employment.  Many of the engineers and support personnel have moved on to other jobs, some are unemployed and looking for work.  Still others have found temporary jobs during the job hunt.
One unemployed engineer found a job at a local Home Depot and was having a difficult time adjusting.  Customers started to complain when he told one elderly woman that she could find the flashlight batteries "103 feet down-range at an altitude of three feet, six inches."  "She mumbled something about a knuckle-sandwich wise guy", and I apologized for having confused her."