Palm Reader Predicts The End of Palm Reading

                                               

                                 Palm Reader Predicts The End of Palm Reading

                                                                     By

                                                           Nick Thompson

     In an ironic twist of fate, a local New Orleans palm reader has predicted the end of palm reading.  "It's sad to say, says Madame Thibodeau (who has been doing readings for locals and tourists for the past 53 years), but by the end of 2020, there may be no palm readers left."  "I don't do that many palm readings during the average week, mostly tea leaves and Tarot cards take up 90% of my business, sometimes bones, but almost no one trusts palm reading these days."

Increased longevity leads to decline in palm reading

     The decline in the reliability of palm reading is attributed to the increased longevity among the population. During my conversation with Madame Thibodeau, she told me: "These days people are living 75 to 100 years, whereas 150 years ago people were lucky to live to fifty."  "This has led to an increase in the length of the life lines on the palm."

     "I've seen this one guy's life line go half way up his arm!"  "How can you tell anything about the success line or marriage or children lines, when they are all wiped out by this giant life line?"  "It just doesn't make any sense at all."  "Why I know one seer down on Bourbon St. "Madam Wu". She won't read palms anymore at all, just throws the bones, and well, your take what you get - It ain't cheap either."

CEO Plans to Jump Off Of Fiscal Cliff

                                                   

                                        CEO Plans to Jump Off of Fiscal Cliff
                                                                    By
                                                             Dirk Benelli

     Wall Street wizard and CEO Ed Axton is getting ready to jump off the Fiscal Cliff in January 2013. Mr Axton is head of Axton Enterprises, based in Del Aire, Ca.  The "Fiscal Cliff" will happen in January 2013 when the Bush tax cuts will expire.  This, combined with the scheduled increase in government spending is a condition that some fear my send the country into another recession/depression.

     Mr. Axton was quoted as saying "I have done several base jumps where we jump off of radio towers and tall buildings with a parachute.  I even jumped off the library tower in Los Angeles, Ca."  It is 73 stories tall-about 700 feet, But I've never jumped of of anything as high as this fiscal cliff is supposed to be."

Unknown Landing Site

    " I don't know what I'm going to land on when I get to the bottom.  They tell me it smells horrible, and it's really sticky, like, you could sink in and get mired in it.  I mean, no-one has ever done it before, It's like the first moon landing, you just don't know."  "I'm thinking of wearing a Haz-Mat suit."

Asked whether Mr. Axton plans to practice for the upcoming Fiscal Cliff jump, he said " I'm thinking of going to Dubai.  I hear they have a really tall building there, like 1400 feet tall."

When I pointed out to Mr. Axton that the "Fiscal Cliff" is not like a real actual cliff, cliff, It is more of an idea, or a concept, he replied: "well, that's not really a problem, and I don't foresee any issues, I mean, I have jumped off a precipice before so I don't think I'll have a problem jumping off a concept,  do you??